Can you break a self-defeating, repeated pattern in your life?


FACT: You will continue to do the things you do, and be the way you are until you choose to do or be something different. Until then, it is going to be more of the same, with no real change. For example, for 30 years, at the beginning of every month I would say, "I am going to lose weight." Instead of losing weight the pounds just continued to add up.

You may have a similar sentence being repeated frequently: This month Iā€™m going to __________ differently. Go ahead and fill in the blank with your own version. For example, you might continuously say you are going to get a new job, pay bills on time, begin investing, get the house ready to sell, or something else. We each have that one thing we want desperately to be different. Yet no matter what we try, no change happens. Talk about a self-defeating cycle of non-productivity. If companies operated that way, corporate bankruptcies would skyrocket.

Choice is the path to change.

To begin real change, I had a choice to make. Here were the possibilities:

  • Let go of wanting to lose weight and choose me, my body and my lifestyle the way it was.

  • Choose to be different from the inside-out, and take every future action based on that choice.

  • Continue the pattern of wanting to lose weight and failing to do so indefinitely. Choose nothing different.

I chose to make a strong, clear choice for me (nobody else) to be different. More specifically I chose to be healthy. The first step after making that choice was to clarify "being healthy" for me.

  • Why did I want to be healthy?

  • What does being healthy look like?

  • How can I make healthy choices consistently over time (and have fun)?

I knew I had to declare a deep commitment to myself - deeper than how I physically looked or a certain number on the scale. I chose health, and I could feel that choice resonate through my mind, body and soul. In that moment I realized that real change was possible and anew journey began.

Whenever we work with companies or individual women looking to lead change, we know we need to reveal this deeper commitment. Once the commitment is clear, we still look to change management best practices to make steady progress. In his classic "Managing Transitions", William Bridges reminds us we need the "4Ps" to make real change:

  • Purpose. Why do you want this change?

  • Picture. What does success look like?

  • Plan. What are the steps that lead from here to there?

  • Part. What is your part in the plan? What parts will others play?

Often we need an accountability partner, coach, or class to help us create the change we desire. Review our upcoming virtual classes or reach out to us to learn more about how create real change in your life.