Learning to keep the burner on medium flame in order to change.


Have you ever been stuck in a situation where you just can’t seem to see the way out? The harder you try to worse it gets? You try to talk about it, work around it, apply new strategies, and yet . . . you hear yourself saying things like “… I just can’t get a break - or when is this going to end? Or enough already!”

When you hear things like that coming out of your mouth it is your first clue that you are really stuck. No kidding. Not stuck how you think I mean it – but stuck in a belief; a belief that has some really deep roots and has a grip on you that is so strong it is in your DNA.

Lately, I have been feeling stuck and like I am running on empty. Toss in a few life-altering events during the same time frame and you have a fantastic recipe for exhaustion, overwhelm and stress.

It’s hard sometimes to see what is happening in the moment so it helps to build in some downtime and reflective space to get a grip – or as we like to say get some MOJO repair. But what if nothing seems to work and you still feel stuck in the same conversation?

Today, I heard myself saying all of these things; I need a break, my family needs a break. And as I talked to one of my partners I was overcome with emotion. She wisely didn’t assume the emotion was connected to anything and simply asked: where is all of this emotion coming from? And I surprised myself in my reply. I said, “I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of always mustering my energy for everyone else and not feeling like I have enough left over to be consistent in my own life.”

And that’s when it hit me --- my energy is like the flame on the burner on my stove. Think about it . . . you turn the knob to ON, and you wait for a few seconds for it to ignite. Then you have the choice of setting the control at High –Medium – Low. I have known for a while that my choice is usually HIGH and when I’m very tired I will set it to LOW, but I seldom set the knob on MEDIUM. I also have a deep belief that a HIGH flame is better. Why? Because it cooks faster and therefore gets you what you want faster. Living life on HIGH is just better. So, if that is my belief it is no surprise that I operate at a HIGH energy level most of the time.

WOW. So, if I want to change the outcome of this chronic “high” energy state . . . before I can just adjust the knob and the burners I have to also adjust the belief. Today I did just that . . . my new belief is; “while I love being the source of positive energy for myself and others, I also love being the source of gracious acceptance at any pace.” I like the gracious part of that sentence and it is much easier for me to be gracious when I am not in HIGH energy mode.

So, where are you getting stuck? And if you were to look deep into what beliefs are holding that behavior in place . . . what will you discover?